Well it has happened........ My absolute favorite restaurant has opened only 8 miles from my home. For a normal person this would be sooo great. Less mileage, and gas to enjoy an occassional meal at their favorite place to eat. For me....... it is a HUMONGOUS obstacle I'm not able to overcome. I love love love Panda's orange chicken and chow mein noodles. They have been open less than 2 weeks ..... and I have been there 3 times already. I've only worked out once this week and I feel like such a failure and I'm falling off the wagon. This all sounds so trivial. I should just not go.... I should just be working out....... where is the determination and motivation I had 2 weeks ago?? Why am I so back and forth and never able to follow through?? I do NOT like my physical self...... but never do anything to change it. I look at others problems and think... well smokers get addicted, drinkers get addicted..... however I feel eaters get addicted too. And I'm sure everyone has their opinion of it and says well if you wanted to do something about it bad enough you would..... but it really is about the feeling food gives me. Good yummy food filling my belly makes things right. I can sit in front of the TV stuffing my face watching a fantasy life instead of dealing with mine... and in the process only harming myself more.... but loving that momentary release!! Only to feel the effects later of dissapointment in myself.... the added weight on the scale.... what I see in a mirror....... just makes me want to go eat something. STUPID.........I KNOW!!! I spent hundreds of dollars last year on the most absolute fabulous trainer. She was so inspirational, motivating, and down right honest with me... and yet... here I sit..... only a few pounds lighter than last year. I feel like one of those people who see a wreck happening in front of their eyes. Everything kinda slows down as it is happening and you can't really believe it is happening. I can see myself getting older... getting a few aches and pains... and I'm scared of actually getting hurt and not being able to work out and get healthy. If I end up in the hospital and all the weight actually harms my condition. I feel like each time I don't work out is time slipping by... and I should have done something. How stupid would it be for me to have a heart attack and die of being toooo fat?? Leave my family without a mother and wife all because I like orange chicken too much... and can't get my ass off the couch?? It is a sad reality and I'm not sure how to MAKE myself get up everyday and do it...... make the right choices and live a new healthy life.
3 comments:
we all struggle with it! I haven't actually worked out since summer. Just haven't felt like it. We are going to get the family Wii fit with our Christmas money. Hopefully soon after Christmas. Just keep your head up!
Clearly, you just need to get addicted to something else. Take up smoking or something!
Girl...don't you watch Oprah?? "If you know better, you do better" Maybe that's Dr. Phil, but who cares - Get at it girl. Inspiration doesn't find you , you find it. Once you start you will get addicted to the feel good endorphins. Since you were in such good shape not too long ago, you will get back into it faster if you just start. Your muscle has memory. You have to make these choices not to go to the panda, but to the gym when you are stong~like after breakfast... Reward yourself at the end of the week, you don't get rewards before you do the work. I love you and I want you to be healthy so when we retire close to eachother we can have fun!I love you & miss you girl!Kristy
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